
All smiles before the big race
The idea of running used to make me cringe. The familiar tearing and throbbing aches my mind conjured simply with the thought of my sneakers hitting the pavement was enough to keep me far away from anything beyond a brisk walk. After surgical tendon repair to my right ankle from a bad college soccer injury, I furiously rehabbed for hours each day for months on end, determined to play the upcoming season. Building back strength and pushing through double sessions in the preseason, all of my rehabbing and training came to a screeching halt when I went up for a ball and landed on my opponent’s foot during a scrimmage – ripping the tendons once again and fracturing the bone. The unnatural, bloodcurdling sound that came out of my mouth echoed off surrounding trees, forever marking the instant I was convinced my cleats would finally be retired.
And so my senior year season began on crutches and sitting on the sidelines of every practice and game, then graduated to daily physical therapy sessions, fighting through emotional breakdowns and relentlessly convincing myself it was plausible to actually play one game before my college career was over. I knew I wasn’t anywhere near 100 percent, but begged my trainer and coaches to let me start practicing when the final games of the season crept up on the calendar. The day my coach announced to the team that I’d be in the starting lineup of the last home game of the season – Senior Day – made me believe it as all worth it. To finally be able to hear my name announced, run out on the field with my teammates and play the sport I loved more than anything was all I wanted.

Ewwwww
I played with more heart than body than ever before, because I truly had no other option. The fragility of my feeble ankle and my severely out of shape limbs were obstacles I had to block out and muscle through. The electrifying sensation of power, bliss and exhaustion with each time the ball graced my feet was amplified and made me so thankful for the 90 minutes I had always taken for granted. After college, I played in a women’s league for one season until finally accepting that I was doing more harm than good to my body by playing when I simply wasn’t built for the sport anymore. The faded pink scar and inflamed tissue surrounding my ankle is a daily reminder of the pain, suffering and glory the sport branded me with. For years, wearing heals induced tears, accidentally brushing up against a hard object caused my ankle to swell and standing for hours at a time turned the skin gory shades of purple, blue and yellow. So for years I did not run.
And if you told me one day I would run a half marathon, I would slap you silly. That would be impossible. 13.1 miles of pounding pavement, grinding joints, throbbing muscles and limping strides were so low on my list of To-Dos that it never crossed my mind. Instead, these last few years I’ve immersed myself in yoga, spinning and other non-impact exercise classes, but I never ran and I never played soccer. Until recently when I tried going for a two-mile run. Though horribly out of breath and out of shape, my body surprisingly did not punish me for testing it out on the harsh pavement. So the following week I tried for three miles, anxiously anticipating some form of shooting pain in my ankle, knees or lower back; my body’s way of saying “F#%! you; who do you think you are, trying to run again?” But it didn’t happen.
So when a friend told me about the Los Angeles Dodge Rock N’ Roll Half Marathon coming up in a few months, I thought, maybe I could actually do this. Each week I did one run, starting slow and steady, running just enough to challenge without overextending myself. After all the years I’ve spent playing sports and being active, I’ve finally learned to listen to my body and have become in tune with what works and what does not. The “push yourself ‘til you collapse, throwing caution to the wind” mentality I once had is now gone. Instead, the foreboding, and very real idea that arthritis and a lifetime of limping and chronic pain could be in future is enough motivation to push my body while understanding and respecting its limitations.
When October 30th approached, my training had reached 12 miles of running without stopping. Now all I had to do was add on another 1.1 miles and that finish line was as good as mine. The friends I was supposed to run the race with all dropped out, causing me to second guess my own participation at several points in my training. But the fact that my body was actually allowing me to run this much was so shocking to me, I really had not other choice but to run. It was very possible I’d never be able to run this much again, so I submitted my $100 entry fee and picked up my race number while praying to God that I was doing the right thing. Images of me rolling around in a wheelchair or limping around the house intruded my thoughts every now and then, but my decision was made and I was determined to take on this beast.
Mind Over Body

- Kickin’ ass and taking names
Something I’ve always known on a superficial level but never truly understood and appreciated until this race is the power of the mind. As cliché as it sounds, if you truly want to do something, it comes down to mind over matter. What got me through those 13.1 miles was almost entirely my mindset: positive thinking, focus and self-encouragement. Looking back, those miles seemed to fly by. At the finish line, my boyfriend asked me, do you think you could do another one today? And without hesitation I said, yeah, of course. The adrenaline that pumps through your veins creates a sensation unlike any other high, and apparently it makes you feel like Superman.
Regardless of how warm it was that morning and how much I was sweating, for the entire two hours and six minutes I was touring downtown LA, my body was covered in goosebumps. Looking around me at the thousands of other runners pushing their bodies to the limits while complete strangers cheered for us on the sidelines, I felt an overwhelming sense of community. I’m not in this alone, I thought. And my God, I’m actually out here running with these strangers and there’s no turning back now. About half way through, the magnitude of what I was doing struck me and I had to fight back tears of happiness. To think of how far I had come, and all of the shitty obstacles that once stood in my way, I set my mind on a goal and was now accomplishing it. That sense of competitiveness I once knew so well was welcoming me back and I felt stronger, faster and more confident than I had in a very long time. With any pang of pain that shot up my back or cramp that stung my ribcage, I breathed through it and refocused my energy, assuring myself I could do this. When I looked up to see the 12 mile marker ahead, my stride opened up and all I could think about was finishing strong and leaving everything I had out on that course. The last half-mile turned into a sprint, and crossing the finish line is somewhat of a blur to me now. Holy shit, I actually did it.

Holding me up so I didn't collapse after the race
My chest heaving, limbs throbbing and adrenaline pumping through every part of my body, everything fell away when I saw my boyfriend and friends screaming my name and cheering for me on the sideline. Even now I am still in a sort of shock that it happened and that it’s over. I’m still sore and a little stiff, but the entire experience seems surreal. Some people say when you’re in a situation where you’re so amped up and consumed by what you’re doing, you have this sort of out-of-body experience. That’s the best way I can describe it. I feel the remnants of what running a race would feel like, but when I look back and think about the process of actually running it, I was so engrossed in each stride, each breath, and every movement of my body that I’m not really sure it even happened.

Sweaty and gross, but so happy to have my girls with me
To experience that sense of motivation, competitiveness and determination was such an overwhelming, powerful feeling for me. It gave me a sense of what I used to feel like every day when I played soccer and competed on a regular basis. It reminded me that I can kick some ass when I want to, and that I can do whatever I commit to and especially, that the mind is such an amazingly, intense, powerful tool that we sometimes underappreciate. I’m forever grateful to my support system of friends and family for all of their encouragement. And I’m especially grateful for that innate sense of commitment and determination I still have from playing sports as a kid. It was tucked away in a dark place for a while, but sitting here now and reliving these past few months and Sunday’s race, I know I’ve triggered that spark once again.
Bib #: 8595
Distance: 13.1 miles
Time: 2:06
Avg. Pace: 9:37
Overall: 2380 out of 7738
Division: 142 out of 870
Gender: 773 out of 4439
Like this:
One blogger likes this post.