Perfectly Plastic Brides

Bridalplasty contestants battle in their first challenge: a puzzle

OK, I admit it, I watched it. All 60 painful, yet humorously uplifting minutes of the new reality TV show to grace E! Entertainment’s line up. Bridalplasty is the latest television series that celebrates self-loathing and encourages women to inject, suck out, and surgically augment any part of their body that leaves them feeling down about their mirrored reflections. 12 recently married or soon-to-be married women compete for eight weeks to win the ultimate dream package any girl would go ga-ga over: a celebrity-style wedding and getting their plastic surgery wish list granted before the big day. Just in time to walk down the aisle towards the man of their dreams so he can unveil her and, as Stephen Colbert so eloquently said, “And then she’ll hear the words every woman longs to hear: ”I do… Not recognize you.’”

The wish lists of these women are quite extensive, so much so that many of the home-ridden husbands or fiancés may actually not recognize their women after surgery. Breast augmentations, liposuction, nose jobs, toe jobs (yes), tummy tucks, and scar and stretch mark removals are among some of the popular requests. Note: I was eating a delicious chocolate brownie while watching this.

In order to weed out the weaklings of this catty pack, each episode presents a challenge in which whomever ends up in the Bottom Two must be voted off by the other Barbie Wannabees.  The first episode’s challenge was to build a large magnetic puzzle of the future would-be picture of them as a bride after plastic surgery to be placed over a picture of their current appearance. The challenge was riveting. The incentive for each Frankenbride to complete their puzzle as quickly as possible was a shiny syringe that entitled them to a “first class exclusive injectables party” where they can have all sorts of magical liquids pumped into their faces and other parts of their bodies for free! Hooray!

Omigod she is soo excited she won a syringe!

Let me remind you there are 12 women involved, so obviously there were lots of tears flowing throughout the entire episode. When Lisa Marie grabbed the last syringe, leaving behind two devastated Bottom Two contestants, she couldn’t stop the waterworks and no one really understood why she was crying. She won the injectables party!! Hello! That is AWESOME, don’t cry!

Then, things really got real. One of the girls broke it down for all of us when she said, “Like, we’re so happy we made it, but there’s still two people up there. And that’s sad for them because they went through the same journey we just went through, can you imagine?” No. No I can’t imagine how hard it was to journey through that awful puzzle making race experience.

You should probably know, I actually had two brownies. Maybe I should look into lipo too.

Voting off one of their besties was even harder than building that puzzle

When it comes time for the brides to vote off one in the Bottom Two, we see devastated shots of the voters shaking their heads in disbelief and throwing their hands up in anguish from the traumatizing task ahead of them. How can they vote off one of their new best friends that they met only hours ago!??! One girl actually stated crying. It may have been the same one from earlier.

It came down to Alexandra, who was previously kicked off The Biggest

The Bottom Two face off and emotions run high. Which means everyone cries

Loser in the first round, and Ashley, who pawned her wedding ring to pay for mechanical work on her car. I won’t give away the ending because I know you are absolutely dying to watch it yourself when E! plays those re-runs, but I will give you the amazing sign off that the show’s host, Shanna Moakler said to the loser: “You are the first to be eliminated from Bridalplasty. Your wedding will still go on…but it just may not be perfect.” Clearly, if it’s not going to be perfect, your life and marriage are worthless and you can forget being happy. Wait, that’s the message of the show, right?

 

Heidi and Spencer = Barbie and Ken

Spencer Pratt, of The Hills, follows his wife's lead to undergo plastic surgery.

It appears living with a surgically renovated person can make you feel insecure and ordinary in your own skin. I think this is how Spencer Pratt must feel, as he sleeps next to a life-size Barbie doll each night. As  referenced in one of my earlier blogs, Heidi Montag, of The Hills, recently underwent ten plastic surgeries, perhaps motivating husband, Spencer, to jump on the surgery bandwagon. 

Perez Hilton reports Spencer wants chest implants, liposuction, and a nose job.  Hilton also mentions Heidi wants to go under the knife again for additional surgeries.  Couples plastic surgery? Is that even a thing?

The duo is taking shallowness to a whole new level.

Much to no one's surprise, Heidi Montag plans to undergo additional plastic surgery. Ten procedures just wasn't enough.

 

To add another disgusting element, Star Magazine reports Heidi has agreed to pose for Playboy for a second time - this time baring all.  “I cannot wait to show off my new assets. I’m very excited,” Heidi told RadarOnline.

Check out some post-surgery pictures here. 

If nothing else, I am so glad Heidi and Spencer were voted the number 1 Most Annoying Couple in 2009 by About.com. I hope they win in 2010 too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spencer photo (cc) and Heidi photo (cc) by Glenn Francis and republished here under Creative Commons license.  Some rights reserved.

 

A world of perfection, or self-destruction?

To be beautiful and perfect is the way life should be, right? Everyone loves you and envies you, and you love yourself and everything is great.  Or so one would think.  A lot of the world’s self-obsessed goal of physical perfection, especially among women, stems from the celebrities we see smeared across magazine covers and prancing around reality TV shows.

One gem among these celebrities, Heidi Montag, has epitomized the aspiration of perfection with her latest surgical renovations.  The ‘Hills’ reality TV star recently underwent 10 procedures to transform her good-looking original self into a completely unidentifiable self, somewhat similar to…a porn star. With DDD implants, a nose job, lipo in her neck (what???), thighs, and other areas the girl has taken plastic surgery to a whole new level.

She lays her insecurities to blame.

Stars.com reports Heidi saying, “Whatever women need to do to feel sexy, they should do.” About her appearance before she said: “I’ve always been very insecure about my body. My whole life, I looked at my chest and was like, OK, they’re going to grow. This is my year! And it never happened. I was less than an A-cup. I wore pushup bras, which cut into my skin. If I was with a guy and there was a girl next to me with big boobs, I would be like, Oh, my God, he’s looking at her! On the beach, if I was standing next to a girl with big boobs, I’d be like, I hate her! I hated my nose too. I have my dad’s nose, which is huge. It took up so much of my face, when I looked down, I could see my nose. I couldn’t get away from it!”

The sad truth is every person has parts of themselves they hate, and we curse the world because we weren’t graced with long slender legs and six-pack abs. When people with disposable income go under the knife when they’re having a fat neck day, the effect goes beyond their own mirror.

Young girls in line with their mothers at grocery stores see People Magazine and OK! Magazine and have this idea that, “Oh this is what I should look like when I grow up.” But it’s not reality. From a young age, we are trained to see these “icons” as perfection we should strive for, and if we fail, we need some sort of surgical augmentation to get us there.

Yes, these people are beautiful and my god, we’d all love to roll out of bed and look like Heidi Klum. But frankly, some of us can’t afford 10 procedures in one day – financially and pain-wise. And more importantly, we should be looking beyond ourselves when considering such drastic self-destruction. The decisions we make often have a lasting effect on young impressionable, and simply insecure people around us. And by “we” I mostly mean celebrities in this case.

I am curious to know what Heidi thinks when she looks in the mirror now. I would cry. I would be so sad because the girl who came out of surgery that day is completely unrecognizable from the girl we recently saw parading around with Spencer (gag) on ‘The Hills.’

Obviously it is easier said than done to look in the mirror and say, hey not too bad.  But if you’re that unhappy with your body hit the gym, go for a walk or strap on one of those ab belts that supposedly gives you a six-pack while you sit on the couch with a pack of Twinkies.

And if your body issues aren’t curable at the gym, maybe you need to reevaluate the crowd you roll with. Don’t hang out with people who make you feel bad about your nose or some birthmark you have on your face or whatever. A person who is confident and happy with who they are is much sexier and more admirable than someone who injects silicone into one part of the body and sucks fat out of another.

Ok, I should probably hit the gym now.