Bridalplasty contestants battle in their first challenge: a puzzle
OK, I admit it, I watched it. All 60 painful, yet humorously uplifting minutes of the new reality TV show to grace E! Entertainment’s line up. Bridalplasty is the latest television series that celebrates self-loathing and encourages women to inject, suck out, and surgically augment any part of their body that leaves them feeling down about their mirrored reflections. 12 recently married or soon-to-be married women compete for eight weeks to win the ultimate dream package any girl would go ga-ga over: a celebrity-style wedding and getting their plastic surgery wish list granted before the big day. Just in time to walk down the aisle towards the man of their dreams so he can unveil her and, as Stephen Colbert so eloquently said, “And then she’ll hear the words every woman longs to hear: ”I do… Not recognize you.’”
The wish lists of these women are quite extensive, so much so that many of the home-ridden husbands or fiancés may actually not recognize their women after surgery. Breast augmentations, liposuction, nose jobs, toe jobs (yes), tummy tucks, and scar and stretch mark removals are among some of the popular requests. Note: I was eating a delicious chocolate brownie while watching this.
In order to weed out the weaklings of this catty pack, each episode presents a challenge in which whomever ends up in the Bottom Two must be voted off by the other Barbie Wannabees. The first episode’s challenge was to build a large magnetic puzzle of the future would-be picture of them as a bride after plastic surgery to be placed over a picture of their current appearance. The challenge was riveting. The incentive for each Frankenbride to complete their puzzle as quickly as possible was a shiny syringe that entitled them to a “first class exclusive injectables party” where they can have all sorts of magical liquids pumped into their faces and other parts of their bodies for free! Hooray!
Omigod she is soo excited she won a syringe!
Let me remind you there are 12 women involved, so obviously there were lots of tears flowing throughout the entire episode. When Lisa Marie grabbed the last syringe, leaving behind two devastated Bottom Two contestants, she couldn’t stop the waterworks and no one really understood why she was crying. She won the injectables party!! Hello! That is AWESOME, don’t cry!
Then, things really got real. One of the girls broke it down for all of us when she said, “Like, we’re so happy we made it, but there’s still two people up there. And that’s sad for them because they went through the same journey we just went through, can you imagine?” No. No I can’t imagine how hard it was to journey through that awful puzzle making race experience.
You should probably know, I actually had two brownies. Maybe I should look into lipo too.
Voting off one of their besties was even harder than building that puzzle
When it comes time for the brides to vote off one in the Bottom Two, we see devastated shots of the voters shaking their heads in disbelief and throwing their hands up in anguish from the traumatizing task ahead of them. How can they vote off one of their new best friends that they met only hours ago!??! One girl actually stated crying. It may have been the same one from earlier.
It came down to Alexandra, who was previously kicked off The Biggest
The Bottom Two face off and emotions run high. Which means everyone cries
Loser in the first round, and Ashley, who pawned her wedding ring to pay for mechanical work on her car. I won’t give away the ending because I know you are absolutely dying to watch it yourself when E! plays those re-runs, but I will give you the amazing sign off that the show’s host, Shanna Moakler said to the loser: “You are the first to be eliminated from Bridalplasty. Your wedding will still go on…but it just may not be perfect.” Clearly, if it’s not going to be perfect, your life and marriage are worthless and you can forget being happy. Wait, that’s the message of the show, right?
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